November 17, 2017

Play Your Position (A Prelude to My Book)

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Why this picture reminded me of women fighting over men beats the heck out of me. When I saw it, I thought about how we women are in constant competition with each other, even resorting to verbal and physical abuse to get what we want.

Where did this competitive mentality come from? From TV? From the principle of scarcity? I’m inclined to think that it’s a combination of the two. When a woman sees another woman happy with a man, or a man seems unhappy with a woman, the scarcity principle will make the observer conclude in her mind that she is more deserving, and that she needs him NOW. In addition, most TV shows glorify mistresses, jump offs, office romances and “friends with benefits”. The mistress appears to be happy and fulfilled. Sometimes she even gets her man. If it works for them, it should work for us right?

Wrong! Life is not a reality show, video, or drama series. Life is everlasting learning, to be loved hard and played well. And to play well, you have to play your position.

The problem with us 21st century women is, we no longer play our positions. We try to play multiple positions, slack off in our own positions or cheat to win. When it comes to winning the game, half of us don’t know the rules, ignore them, or are unprepared to engage in competition.

I don’t want to give too much of my book away, but let me say this: if you have found yourself bouncing from man to man, running back to that old boyfriend or baby daddy, too afraid to leave that cheating husband or boyfriend, you are not playing your position. If while reading this, you have to stop to go pick up your man because he doesn’t have a car or job or both, you are not playing your position. And lastly, if you are the mistress, jump off, or a friend with benefits, you are not playing your position. Your position is, and always has been queen. Queens don’t compete to become queens. You were already chosen to be one before you were born. Play your position!

 

 

 

Why He Won’t Marry You

why he won't marry youYou’ve been dating, in a relationship, or engaged for some time now.   Maybe even for a few years.  You get along great with his mom and your mom loves him.  You know you should be Mrs. “His Last Name” by now.  But you’re not! You want that ring, that white gown and that wedding sooo bad!  You’re fed up with shacking up, waiting,  and hinting.   You’re starting to believe that you will never see the promised land with this guy, and you are probably right.  Well let me give you five reasons why:

  1. You haven’t required him to marry you.  I love this quote from Steve Harvey!  As women, we want to give, give, give!  And a man will take, take, take!  Some men, well most men, are perfectly happy letting things stay as they are.  If you do not set a standard, and do not uphold that standard, chances are he won’t be putting a ring on it.  And if you’re already shacked up, friends with benefits, unmarried with kids…well, why should he ?  That is NOT a rhetorical question.  You’ve given him everything for little to nothing in return.  He also knows that you want to get married but will not push the issue because you don’t want to lose him.  He’s got you by the tatas and he knows it. 
  2. He isn’t over his ex.   Some guys have “the one that got away” syndrome.  There was one girl before you who truly had his heart.  When the relationship ended, it devastated him.  Instead of taking time to heal, he suppressed his  heartbreak and rebounded with you.  Maybe you weren’t the first bounce off the backboard, but believe me, you’re most likely a rebound.  He’s probably discussed this heartbreak with you.   And if you aren’t his second chance, you will always be second string in his heart. 
  3. He’s scarred from divorce.  Asking a divorced man if he wants to marry is one of the FIRST questions you should ask BEFORE you start to get serious.  If you’ve never been married, you will never know the toll divorce takes on you.  Long term relationships and shack ups do NOT compare to marriage.  Divorce hurts like hell.  It goes much deeper than being in love with an ex.  It hurts because you have to detach yourself spiritually.  You have to break the bond that God commanded you to honor forever.  Your vows, which you took before family and friends, have been nullified by the judge in your county court.  If the divorce didn’t end amicably, you have to deal with the bitterness and resentment that will develop.  I haven’t even touched on the kids, property, or finances that may be in the mix.  Men, who don’t deal with their emotions very well, will just move on to the next pretty thing that catches their attention.  But will SWEAR to family and friends that they will never get married again.  What I find funny is most women who are with divorced men KNOW this and choose to ignore it.  Is this you?  Do you think you can change his mind?  How long have you guys been together again?  Good luck with that.
  4. You’re not marriage material.  I’m going to be brutally honest here.  Sometimes a guy knows exactly what he wants.  In my Evelyn Lozada voice, “You just ain’t it boo boo”.  You’re just someone he happened to like, happened to be attracted to, happened to sleep with and happened to end up with.  But in his American dream, the woman he envisioned as his wife, is somewhat different from you or your complete opposite. Men know the difference between convenience and love.   You’re what’s convenient.  He will never tell you this!  Here’s food for thought: if while arguing he says something like,” You don’t  have any ambition, you’re selfish, you don’t cook or clean, I can’t trust you, you’re irresponsible…,” those are some of the reasons why he hasn’t married you yet.  He just doesn’t see you as that woman worthy of taking those vows for.
  5. He doesn’t want to be married.  Unlike reasons 1-4, this dude just doesn’t want to be tied down.  He isn’t scorned, he isn’t afraid of failing at marriage again, he knows you’re a good woman and he knows you are serious about marriage.  He’s going to stall you for as long he can.  After your umpteenth ultimatum, he’ll finally propose and even buy you a ring.  Then he’ll probably not set a date or wait till you guys argue and use the argument as an excuse to reconsider marriage.  Want to know why? Maybe he still feel like he still has some running around to do.  Maybe he has a dream of making a guys’ Hangover home video or some lewd fantasy with midgets, strippers or both.  Maybe in his heart he knows he’s not marriage material, but just wants you for himself. Bottom line is, he won’t be asking you to marry him because doesn’t want to be married.  In the words of my deceased grandmother Fibbie Mae Middlebrook, “You have to let a man want you”.  When he wants you, he will treat you differently.  He will do what needs to be done.  Real men build homes!

What’s Wrong With Us

Vibe’s June/July 2012 Issue

It’s still hard to digest the madness that happened this past weekend in Colorado at the opening night of Batman: The Dark Night Rises.  The Penn State scandal is finally coming to a close, with all their football wins being eradicated from 1999 – 2010 and Sandusky facing 442 years in prison.  And of course, the Trayvon Martin case that was mishandled from the night of incident.

You know what’s shocking?  None of it.  We as Americans have become so desensitized to tragedy, drama, and vulgarity that instead of taking action, we gossip about it until the next big thing happens.  Almost everything we do, see and hear has to have some sort of shock value to it or we won’t listen, watch or buy it.  And believe me, the news stations and entertainment industry is well aware of that.

Take this Vibe cover photo.  I’m guilty of watching Basketball Wives, and a couple of other less than educational reality shows.  And I like watching to see what the heck these crazy people are going to do next.  Do I believe it’s real?  Of course not!  Do I condone their behavior?  Heck no!  But I watch, and watch faithfully.  And I have a problem with what I’m seeing.

My problem is not with the show.  I take it for face value which to me, is virtually nothing but entertainment and something to chat about.  What I have a problem with is that Vibe chose to call these ladies “role models.”  Role models for what?  For whom?  Why?    Because they are watched by millions?  Because they may have come from humble beginnings but are now successful business women with their own brands?  Or because they are, as Vibe states on the cover, “sexy?”

When I watch most of these reality shows, I do so strictly for entertainment purposes.   I started watching Basketball Wives because I wanted to see what the heck women of pro ballers did to sustain their identities.  I found out, in season one, absolutely nothing!  These women were broken and were seeking to find their own identities instead of being known as so-and-so’s girlfriend, ex or wife.  I felt compassion for them at first, so I kept tuning in. Now I watch because I don’t know what the heck they are going to FAKE next.  Like I said, mere entertainment.

To others though, it apparently isn’t a mere form of entertainment.  For Vibe to consider these reality actresses role models, they had to dig through the mess and find something to glorify.  I didn’t read the article, but I gander that in addition to them being “sexy”, Vibe portrayed them as self-made women who used their opportunities to build their own brands.  And to those who are incapable of discerning the real from the fake, will see them as role models.

What’s wrong with us?  Well I could sum it up by starting with what’s wrong with me.  Instead of boycotting this crap or writing the television networks to add programs of substance, I do nothing.  As a writer, I could even pitch scripts. Instead, I pick what’s most convenient and entertaining.  I watch what’s hot, I follow the trends, I like the sensation.  In essence, I sit and do not stand.  Because I tune in, I perpetuate the problem.

Don’t get me wrong, these women are beautiful.  But they are so far from reality it isn’t even funny.  Most of them have had some type of cosmetic work done and do not represent the core values we as parents, professionals, and spiritual beings hold dear.  They do not represent love, education, loyalty, compassion or determination.  They should not be, no matter how self-made or sexy, anybody’s role model.  What they do represent, is  America’s entertainment driven, capitalist driven, sensationalist driven and sex driven market.

My blog topic can be seen as both a question and imperative statement, but dare we even ask?  I know I’m guilty of watching and listening to things that do not speak to my beliefs.  Our music, news, even our consumer products are sensationalized, using reality actresses (notice I fail to call them stars) to entice us to buy their products.  In my season of purge, no more Basketball Wives, Single Ladies, or any other show that does not positively impact my life.  We, starting with me, have to restore what we value.  We cannot allow tv shows, music, movies and video games to desensitize those who cannot discern real from fake.  We cannot let the media raise our children.  Vibe cannot speak for us.  If we allow the purpose of reality entertainment replace our core values, we will be ripening the grounds for more Batman, Trayvon, and Penn State incidents.

Better Body, Better Lover?

Courtesy of jimmythomas.com

 

Does having biceps, triceps, a six-pack, and buns of steel really make you better in the bedroom?  According to Men’s Health Editor-in-Chief and New York Times Best Selling Author David Zinczenko, it can!

Why?  Because looking good gives you confidence.  When you are confident, you’re more apt to explore and take risks. The  Men, Love and Sex author says to women, “The better you feel about your body, the more you’ll do with ours!”

At first I thought this was a crock of you know what, but then I thought about the confidence factor.  When we are confident about the way we look we are more assertive, even aggressive, in all we do.  We know when we get our hair, nails, and toes done, find a pair of smoking hot heels and a fly fit…our inner Sasha Fierce is unleashed!  Looking good naked  can only give us more moxy!

As I read more of the, “What Does He Really Think About Your Body?” chapter, I was even more surprised at the results from a poll.  58 percent of 5,000 men said that intelligence was sexier than a great body!  So what does all that mean?  You guessed it, men are harder to figure out than we could ever imagine!

Seriously though, it shows that beauty starts within.  If you are a woman of intelligence and confidence, you are already sexy.  AND, an intelligent woman would want to lead a healthy lifestyle, not only to “look good” but to feel good as well.  When you are in shape and eat healthy, your energy level increases, as does your libido!

To close, you really don’t need a better body to be a better lover.  But you do need confidence.  I know plenty of confident people who are overweight and confident in themselves.  But I also know that plenty struggle with how they look in the buff and are afraid to try new things based on those  insecurities.  If you find yourself in that category (hand raised high), you know what to do.  Speaking of which, the gym awaits me!

Happy Healthy Living,

-KB

The Skinny on Being Skinny

Me and two tall class bikini competitors at Universe Weekend

My friend and I went to the Universe fitness competition in Miami this past weekend. I must say, I enjoyed myself thoroughly! Other than being around hundreds of folks that reminded me that I still have a long way to go to reach my fitness goals, I really was inspired by the people who were competing. Military men and women, firefighters, teachers, physical therapists, former athletes and Olympians were all there, showcasing their physiques for the world to see. There were several “biggest loser” success stories, from women and men losing over 100 pounds, to first time competitors over the age of 35, to grandmothers! I only watched the bikini and model competitions so I missed out on the eye candy for ladies. Sorry! But I did get a glimpse of a few men in the model competition.

Men – Model Competition

Last year’s model universe winner

My major take-away was the information I learned at a seminar held by nationally known fitness trainer and model, Jennifer Nicole Lee. Her personal story is amazing! She lost over 80 pounds AFTER the birth of her two children. Instead of talking about herself most of the time (like most famous people do when giving “how to” presentations), she talked about brand building and being your own publicist. Her insightfulness was refreshing, as her information was not only fitness focused, but for anyone interested in being their own boss.

At the end of the seminar a protegé of hers by the name of Nissa Salas shared her weight loss story. She’d lost over 100 pounds after having life saving surgery to remove a tumor. Not only did she use her tragedy for triumph, she also used it to launch a side career. It was inspiring to hear from women who had not only conquered their battle with obesity, but are using their personal victories to encourage others to do the same.

So what do they do to lose weight and look great? Well, nothing you haven’t heard before. They diet and exercise. They make their eating habits a way of life. They make sacrifices, like making time for exercise and getting enough rest. After Friday’s competition, most of the competitors headed to their rooms to prepare for the next day. The ones who hung out in the hotel lounge were rarely drinking. The few that were, weren’t getting hammered. And surprisingly, they were a close-knit group. They were encouraging each other and were rooting for each other, in spite of competing agaist each other!

In short, these people work extremely hard to maintain their physiques. Being in shape, or being “skinny” isn’t easy, especially with age. Genetics may play a part, but only a select few are that lucky. Most of them will tell you they work extremely hard and consistently eat well. So when those lights come on, they earn the right to flex!

Bikini Tall Class

Back view – Bikini Tall Class

Group Photo – Model Competition

Act Like A Lady, Think Like a Woman

Being yourself never gets old!

Let them pursue you - Courtsey of Getty Images

Let me say this: I’m a huge fan of Steve Harvey’s book and I think the movie was funny and done in great taste.  However, I do not believe ladies need to think like men to get a man.   We do need to consider one key concept in the book: setting standards.  Our problem is, even if we have standards, we don’t use them.  Dating without standards is like making a cake with no flour.  What you get is a complete mess!

If you haven’t read the book, you should. It’s an excellent, humorous and informative read.  Let me let you in on a little secret though…it’s nothing new!  Your grandmother, great-grandmother, church elder, and get this…your BIBLE will tell you the same things Steve did.  He just put it in a matter-of-factly sort of way.  I’m about to go biblical on you for a minute so that you get where Steve was coming from.  Some of you didn’t go to church on Sunday anyway, so here’s your Sunday school lesson:

Men haven’t changed much since the days of Adam.  Although men were created to lead, they will forsake all they know for a woman.  They work out, play sports, work, dress, lie, cry, and live to impress women.  The problem is that we women have made “the cookie” too available.   We’ve morphed into modern-day Jezebels, abandoning the virtues of Rachel and Ruth.  Rachel and Ruth were pursued by their men, and didn’t need a book or movie to attract them.  In fact, they did nothing!  They allowed men to do what they were made to do, and that was to find a wife (Proverbs 18:22).

By injecting ourselves into the process, we’ve allowed men to become lazy and non-committal.  Now our “Eve” nature is to be controlling and tell a man what to do (see Genesis chapter 3), and because of her sin, we bear her curse.  Painful childbirth isn’t the only thing we inherited, we also carry her controlling nature.  We were designed to help and accompany, not control or scheme.  God never intended for women to put men through college, find them jobs, do their homework, give them sex prior to marriage, be their side pieces, jump offs, friends with benefits or go half on ANYTHING.    We too, have conformed to lying, crying, working, dressing, working out and living to impress men.  And as we all know, it doesn’t matter how good you look, how good your sex is or how nice you are when it comes to keeping a man.  1 Peter chapter 3 states that inner beauty will make us beautiful, and that our virtues will make us attractive.  Virtuous women have standards (see Proverbs 31).

Another theme in Harvey’s book rings true “A man defines himself by what he makes, what he has and who he is.  In the movie, I love how each male character changed for the better.  Not because their women prodded them, but because they were left alone to think about what they truly wanted.  Once they became aware of self and what they needed to fix, they were husband material.  Relationships will always be difficult for a man who isn’t sure of who he is or what he wants.  Notice I said MAN.  Men who have no goals, nothing to call their own, no purpose or no work ethic aren’t men; they’re still boys.  See Project Boo post for details on these type of guys.

As good as the movie was (yes I’m still thinking about Michael licking Taraji’s knees and that good cooking), in real life, the turn around time isn’t that fast.  That “wait and see” method doesn’t work, and neither does taking on the role of his mother!  In short, if you have a man who doesn’t have his stuff together, there isn’t much you can do.  Thinking like a man won’t help.  What will help, is you setting and sticking to your standards, even if that means being by yourself.  Stop this main chick, side piece, dime piece, wifey, bed buddy madness.  Act like a lady and think like one!

Your Slow, Super Efficient Guide to Weight Loss – Part II

Spring is almost here!  Before you know it, it’ll be time to pack those sweaters away and put on those pretty skirts, dresses and shorts.  And for you guys, not too much of a change-up in wardrobe I know, but we do have one thing in common.

We ALL want to be slimmer when the weather gets warmer!  We feel better about ourselves and how we look in our clothes when we shed a few pounds.  Equipped with our new year’s resolution and gym membership, we’re on track to have a beach body by summer.  But is it really feasible to do so in 4 months?

It all depends.  It depends on what you are eating, how much weight you need to lose, if you are exercising and if you are consistent with your eating and exercise regime.  I’ve learned several things since I last blogged about weight loss, and I want to share them with you:

  1. Stop believing the infomercials and fitness ads.  There is no pill, powder, shake or liquid that is going to instantly make you look the way you want.  We have to realize there are no short cuts.  Furiouspete123 on youtube has a video that exposes advertisements on weight loss gimmicks.  Most of those commercials are shot in the same day.  The models bloat themselves after taking the “results” pictures.  Know this: if you are not going to put in the work a pill or potion won’t help, especially not for the long term.  I used to think I needed extra protein to build muscle and a fatburner to lose flab.  Since I’m what’s called an ecto-endo body type (skinny-flabby), I don’t build muscle very well.  I was eating the suggested amount of protein (1 gram per pound), so I was consuming roughly 120-180 grams of protein per day.  What I didn’t realize is that the protein wasn’t metabolizing because I wasn’t doing enough cardio. I ended up gaining weight instead of losing it, even though I was firmer from lifting weights.  Protein helps with muscle-building but not necessarily with weight loss.  So I was building muscle but not losing any weight, and my goal was to do both.  I thought about using a fatburner but they scare me.  The few times I tried them I experienced a racy heart and insomnia from the caffeine.  I’ve conceded to the fact that I need to run more, even though I hate it with a passion.  But the old ways are truly the best ways, and I’ve noticed a difference already.  I’ve increased my cardio from two days to four.  I am now aiming for five.
  2. Don’t underestimate how hard it is to lose weight and to maintain your goal weight.  I just finished “What Got You Here Won’t Get You There” By Marshall GoldSmith (I’ll do a book review in another post) and he did an excellent analysis on goal setting and goal achievement.  He applied his principles to weight loss and listed the following reasons why people do not succeed in their weight loss goals: time, effort, distractions, rewards and maintenance.  According to GoldSmith (best-selling author, business professor at Dartmouth and top executive coach), these 5 reasons are commonly underestimated and are ultimately why we fail at our weight lost goals.  My achillies heel had been time, effort and distractions.  But no more!
  3. My Fitness Pal.  It’s an app you can download on your phone.  After you download and create an account, you plug in your current weight and your goal weight.  It then tells you how many calories you are allowed each day based on how many pounds you want to lose per week. I lost about 3 pounds last week!  My fitness pal is great for me because I can also see what nutrients I need to get in before the day is out.  It also made me aware of how much dining out was a hinderance to my progress.  I know I promised pictures but I accidentally erased my November pictures when I restored my computer to factory condition (I forgot to back up years worth of pictures and my favorites). I will put some up though, I promise!  I’ve put on some muscle but I  have quite a ways to go…wish me luck!

I’d like to close this post with the picture below.  I got it from my friends RawTwins on facebook.  If we would take the time to eat properly, we’d be 70% to goal.  Instead of stopping off at a fast food place after a long day’s work, I now take cucumbers, carrots and grapes to work and make sure I am drinking 80 to 100 ounces of water per day.  That’s only 5 to 7 water bottles!  You can do it!  Remember, what you put inside yourself is a reflection of who you are!

-KB

You Are What You Eat - Courtesy of RawTwins

Are You On The Balcony Or In The Basement?

Be like the goldfish "Carpe diem!"

When I came across the analogy of balcony verses basement people I was immediately intrigued.  Judy Landorf, author of Balcony People, used an interesting metaphor comparing balcony and basement people to the likes of living in a fishbowl.  In her analogy two-thirds of life is at the bottom, in the murk and grime of the bowl.  Remaining forms of life are at the top.  Basement people are in the murky water and balcony people in the clear.

To piggyback off Landorf, we can metaphorically compare basement people to scavengers.  They wait for opportunity to come to them.  They settle for what’s left and will fight for scraps.  If you know anything about scavengers you know they always operate in survivor mode.  Since two-thirds of the population is at the bottom, one can expect slim pickings.  This is probably why there is so much trickery, back-stabbing, clawing and scratching in the world.  Crabs in a barrel!

Basement people are pessimistic.  They are uncertain of their future because they can’t see through the murk of their environment. They feel like they’ve been denied opportunity and never caught a break.  In fact, they feel oppressed.  Ironically their sense of oppression makes them oppressors.  They will tell you that you can’t or you shouldn’t because they wouldn’t.  They do not realize they are mentally bound and their way of thinking is the only reason why they are at the bottom.   Basement people lack the ability to break free from mental bondage because they do not have confidence or faith.  They will not be genuinely happy for you and will offer little support.  Their discouraging behavior stems from their fear of you changing and leaving them behind.

Balcony people are just the opposite.  They are go-getters!  They will not wait for opportunity to fall in their laps.  Like fish swimming to the top of the bowl when food hits the water, balcony people jump on opportunity.  Since there’s room at the top there is plenty to choose from and plenty to go around.  There is no reason to fight, scheme or manipulate.  Seeking higher ground gives balcony people a clearer vision.   They are confident in themselves and do not need to take from others to be happy or to survive.  Balcony people are ambitious, supportive and encouraging.  They will be your biggest fans because they know their success comes at their own hands and that the harvest is ripe.

Balcony and basement people both have the power of transference.  When you associate with people who complain and are complacent you will start to see life from their point of view.  If you fortify your circle with people who are inspirational and optimistic you will share their sentiments.  Basement people are toxic and should be not be allowed space in your head, heart, or life.

Before you start cleaning house on your facebook friends list and unfollowing folks on twitter, examine your own heart.  We often don’t see our own flaws because we are mentally bound ourselves.  Ask yourself these questions:

  1. Are you self-motivated?
  2. Are you genuinely happy for others and supportive of their ambitions?
  3. Do you wait or make opportunity?
  4. Are you confident in yourself and is your faith strong?
  5. Are you part of the problem or part of the solution?

Ten Types of People You Should Avoid Dating

Picking a mate can be like picking produce.  You first check for rotten spots on the outside. Then you squeeze to feel if it’s solid and ripe.  If it’s too soft it is starting to spoil, and if it’s too hard it is not ripe.  Either way it would not be a quality purchase.

This list can serve as an inspection technique in dating.  If your potential partner matches the descriptions below…retreat!

  1. The Bell Hop.  This type of person carries more baggage than a conveyor belt.  They hold on to everything!  They weren’t their parents’ favorite.  They weren’t popular.  They weren’t the most attractive.  They couldn’t play sports.  They always got dumped or cheated on.  Woe is me, Woe is me.  Woe will be you too, because they have the power of transference.  “Bags, sir/madam?”
  2. The Rebounder.  This guy or girl will always “just” be coming out of a relationship.  Always!  They believe the best way to get over their ex is to move on to the next.  Since they haven’t taken the time to clear their mind and hearts they won’t be free to love.  How will you know?  You will hear more about their ex than you will anything else!
  3. The Repeat Offender.  Once you date someone who justifies breaking the law, know that you are dating someone who has a mentality of justifying other wrongdoings.  Please know that it is not wise to date an habitual crime committer.  They may have good intentions on changing, but often times their intentions do not come to fruition.  People who truly want to change will do so on their own.  They NEED to do so on their own.  Trust me; I know what I’m talking about!
  4. The Baby Daddy/Mama (the immature parent).   Dating someone who has kids is tricky because you have to see what type of relationship they have with their ex.  It also depends how young the child is and how long the couple has been apart.  If there are unresolved issues, drama will surely follow.  If you are a woman dating a man with kids his income may decrease with child support or/and alimony.  Both sexes have to factor in being a parental figure and building a relationship with the ex (if they are present).  A good indicator in dating someone with kids is the peace level in their lives with you in it.  If drama already exists then it’s a no-brainer.
  5. The Floater/Free Spirit.  This person is unable to commit to anything.  Always changing jobs.  Always changing friends.  Always moving. Always finding fault and never finishing anything.  If something is always wrong with everyone else, something will be wrong with you!
  6. The Victim.  Another “woe is me” person.  The difference between the bell hop and the victim is the victim will have deeper psychological issues.  Bell hops will stand up for themselves and leave a bad situation whereas victims will endure long-suffering.  Victims usually devalue themselves and are attention seekers.  If you continue to date the victim, prepare to see signs of obsession, depression or hear suicidal comments.  This person needs a friend not a relationship.  And professional help!
  7. The “Aholic”.  This person works too much, parties too much, drinks too much, gambles too much, is on the internet too much, etc.  In short they are addicted to something.  That addiction may be harmless on the surface but it consumes their thoughts and hearts.  The aholic will genuinely like you but they will love the addiction!
  8. The “!”  This person is extreme, over the top and overly passionate.  At some point they will blow up, freak out, spaz out, jap out, and go ham all at once.  You will get a snippet of their extreme behavior over something they are passionate about or take personally.  If you are not the object of that first uncontrollable fit you will be in the near future.
  9. The Pinocchio (compulsive liar).  This type of person can tell some tales!  Everyone has lied at some point in their lives and will probably tell more before they die.  The Pinocchio is in on a completely different level.  Their lies make no sense, serve no purpose, and have no merit.  You will hear them talking to someone else and they will start lying for no reason or to make themselves sound more accomplished than they really are.   I dated a compulsive liar and asked him why he would lie so much.  His response was “to see if people will believe me!”
  10. The Project Boo.  This type of person is like a piece of clay.  Ready to be molded and upgraded at your expense.  See my last post for more details.

Your SLOW, Super-Efficient Guide to A Better Body

Happy New Year!  You’re probably wondering, “Why would anyone want a slow guide to weight loss”?  In my experience I’ve learned slower is better.  Every time I’ve tried to lose weight on a quick time schedule, I’ve gained it back shortly thereafter or have gotten discouraged with my results.  I am so sick and tired of the, “transform your body in 21 days, 6 weeks, 90 days, or lose up to 2 pounds a week eating this/taking this” gimmicks!  Some of them do work but let’s face it…most of us are not going to count calories, points, or take diet pills for the rest of our lives.  Nor are we going to go cold turkey and cut out all sweets, sugars, caffeine, pastas, breads, and fast foods to become full-fledged vegetarians or vegans.  But we can take the best of the good stuff and transition at a slower pace.

Well this year is my year, and I’m doing it without a gimmick!  Instead of giving myself a hard and fast goal, I’ve decided to stop using methods I know are not going to be lifelong habits.  One personal trainer gave me the best and most reasonable goal that almost anyone can achieve….aim to add a pound of muscle a month.  One cheat meal a week is also okay as long as you eat relatively healthy the rest of the week. My goal is to add 15 pounds of muscle.  I started in August.  So by the end of 2012, I should have accomplished my goal.

I believe adding muscle at a realistic pace will yield longer-lasting results.  Since muscle burns calories even when not working out, I know my weight will take care of itself.   With the timeline gone I can focus on developing a healthy diet.  My desire to eat shrimp scampi, chicken fettuccini alfredo and garlic bread can be quenched as my cheat meal.  Since I’m not tracking my calories or points, I no longer get discouraged if I have a few slip ups.

If you are obese or haven’t worked out in a while, you should check with your doctor before starting an exercise or diet regime.  If you’re good and ready to rock, here are my 5 tips for your slow, super-efficient guide to a better you!

  1. Change your eating habits first.  Changing your eating habits and working out at the same time will make you miserable.  As you deprive your body of junk, you’re going to crash.  Putting your body though the stress of exercise and junk food deprivation is a lot to handle at once.  You are likely to stop working out and go back to eating crap because you are miserable.  Start eating healthier at least 21 days before you start working out.  WATER IS YOUR FRIEND!!!
  2. Work out every other day.  Cardio twice a week and lift weights twice a week.  You should be sore and the day off will help your body heal.  A day’s rest is all you need.  Do not confuse fatigue with a weak will, or pain for soreness.  Inability to push through the soreness will cause you to quit.  That is the biggest mental hump to get over…know that you are not tired.  You are just weak mentally and you want to give up.  Stay at it!  Pushing through an injury is another thing…so listen to your body.  If you over extended something or strained something, stop lifting until the pain subsides.  If it is in the lower back or knee, see a doctor.  If you are already active or athletic, cardio should be done at least three times a week and weight training every other day.  Aim for five days a week.
  3. Change your workouts every six weeks.  Your body is smart and it adapts to repetition in about four weeks.  You should not be doing the same thing every time you go to the gym.  You need to introduce the body to something new.  After a six week period you can increase your workout days and combine lifting and cardio on the same day.
  4. Increase your weights, your intensity and your reps every six weeks.  If you want to increase strength, increase your weights.  If you want to increase muscle tone, increase your repetitions.  If you want to burn more calories, start and end with 15 minutes of cardio on your weight training days. Increase your cardio intensity on cardio days as well.  You should not be at the same pace you were six weeks ago.  If you do not increase your intensity, you will be doing nothing but maintaining your current fitness level.
  5. Revisit your diet after 3 months.  Have you eliminated fried foods?  Have you stopped eating canned foods?  Are you eating foods high in fiber and vitamins?  Are you avoiding foods high in saturated fat, processed sugar (anything ending in ‘rose’) and sodium?  If not, change your diet again.  Now that your body is used to working out, a change in diet won’t be as drastic.  Furthermore, working out is now a part of your day and you love going to the gym.  This next crash won’t get the best of you!

I started monitoring my progress in November and will post comparison pictures in February.  Wish me luck!