November 22, 2017

What Do You Need To Purge?

 

Every now and then you need to have a life fire sale. Everything and everybody prohibiting your growth and well-being must go!  Similar to spring cleaning, we should evaluate the stuff in our lives, keeping what we need and removing what we don’t.  We need to treat jobs, hobbies, habits, romantic relationships and friendships like old files.  After they have served their purpose they need to be purged, sent away or marked for destruction.  

Do you have any relationships or habits in your life that you need to get rid of?  If you do, but don’t know where to start, here are 5 things to consider purging.  Believe me, once you remove some of these things, you’ll feel lighter and brighter!

  1. Old Exes.  There’s a difference between being cordial, being friends, and being in limbo.  There’s nothing wrong with the first two, but the latter spells deep trouble.  If you clearly have feelings for an old “boo” or whatever you chose to call your ex, it’s best to cut off communication until you establish a clear understanding of where you stand.  And if you are not in agreement of the terms, close that chapter.  There’s nothing worse than waiting for someone to give you another chance.  It’s not mutually platonic therefore, not mutually beneficial or healthy.
  2. Rollercoaster Road Dogs. These are the type of friends that for some reason, they love you one minute and are cold the next.  You normally have a great time with them, but sometimes, they act like they are angry at you, or find a reason to be angry with you.  In actuality they are probably insecure, jealous or paranoid in some sort of way when it comes to you.  Why try to fix them or figure them out ?  A true friend should always be a constant.  Life throws enough curve balls without wondering where you stand with someone who’s supposed to stick to you closer than a brother.
  3. Homies in the ‘hood.  They are rollercoaster road dogs and childhood friends mixed together.  You broke a few rules with them, maybe failed a few assignments or classes.  You played, T-ball, kickball, hide-and-go-seek, duck-duck-goose and red rover with them!  Basically, you were extremely close with this person when you were growing up.  Even though you’ve matured, this person is still trying to take you back to the days when you were acting an @$$.  They do so intentionally and unintentionally. They secretly hate the new you but miss their old friend.  These types of people are the hardest to let go of because you have deep history with them.   At some point you will hit a crossroad with this person and will have to make a decision either way.  The earlier you purge them, the better.
  4. Unhealthy pleasure-seeking habits.  When you do anything in overabundance, it can be dangerous.  Drinking, smoking, and sex are the top three activities that comes to mind when seeking personal pleasure.  These things negatively effect the body and if they consume you, they can be a matter of sickness, disease and death.
  5. Insatiable love for money.  Allowing money to be the primary motivating factor in all you do will make you miserable at some point in your life.  Staying at a job you hate, working with people you hate or committing unethical acts to acquire money will bite  you in the butt sooner or later.  Whether it be stress, depression, poor job performance or ramifications from unethical behavior, the truth will show its head.  Make your living doing something you can be proud of and are happy with.   If you need more education or skills, make the sacrifices needed to obtain it. 

I’ll close with a quote from my role model Stephen Covey who passed away yesterday, “You can’t talk yourself out of problems you behave yourself into.”  This quote always reminds me that I am responsible for the people I allow in my circle and the situations I find myself in.  When it comes to growth and productivity, there can be no grey areas.  Ultimately, the things and people I choose to affiliate with will influence my thinking and thus my actions.  I have quite a few things to purge this year.  How about you?

Until next time,

-KB

 

 

Are You On The Balcony Or In The Basement?

Be like the goldfish "Carpe diem!"

When I came across the analogy of balcony verses basement people I was immediately intrigued.  Judy Landorf, author of Balcony People, used an interesting metaphor comparing balcony and basement people to the likes of living in a fishbowl.  In her analogy two-thirds of life is at the bottom, in the murk and grime of the bowl.  Remaining forms of life are at the top.  Basement people are in the murky water and balcony people in the clear.

To piggyback off Landorf, we can metaphorically compare basement people to scavengers.  They wait for opportunity to come to them.  They settle for what’s left and will fight for scraps.  If you know anything about scavengers you know they always operate in survivor mode.  Since two-thirds of the population is at the bottom, one can expect slim pickings.  This is probably why there is so much trickery, back-stabbing, clawing and scratching in the world.  Crabs in a barrel!

Basement people are pessimistic.  They are uncertain of their future because they can’t see through the murk of their environment. They feel like they’ve been denied opportunity and never caught a break.  In fact, they feel oppressed.  Ironically their sense of oppression makes them oppressors.  They will tell you that you can’t or you shouldn’t because they wouldn’t.  They do not realize they are mentally bound and their way of thinking is the only reason why they are at the bottom.   Basement people lack the ability to break free from mental bondage because they do not have confidence or faith.  They will not be genuinely happy for you and will offer little support.  Their discouraging behavior stems from their fear of you changing and leaving them behind.

Balcony people are just the opposite.  They are go-getters!  They will not wait for opportunity to fall in their laps.  Like fish swimming to the top of the bowl when food hits the water, balcony people jump on opportunity.  Since there’s room at the top there is plenty to choose from and plenty to go around.  There is no reason to fight, scheme or manipulate.  Seeking higher ground gives balcony people a clearer vision.   They are confident in themselves and do not need to take from others to be happy or to survive.  Balcony people are ambitious, supportive and encouraging.  They will be your biggest fans because they know their success comes at their own hands and that the harvest is ripe.

Balcony and basement people both have the power of transference.  When you associate with people who complain and are complacent you will start to see life from their point of view.  If you fortify your circle with people who are inspirational and optimistic you will share their sentiments.  Basement people are toxic and should be not be allowed space in your head, heart, or life.

Before you start cleaning house on your facebook friends list and unfollowing folks on twitter, examine your own heart.  We often don’t see our own flaws because we are mentally bound ourselves.  Ask yourself these questions:

  1. Are you self-motivated?
  2. Are you genuinely happy for others and supportive of their ambitions?
  3. Do you wait or make opportunity?
  4. Are you confident in yourself and is your faith strong?
  5. Are you part of the problem or part of the solution?